


Scribbled Confessions

by MotherBooker



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Muggle, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Diary/Journal, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, POV First Person, POV Third Person, Pining Harry Potter, Teacher Harry, past Harry Potter/Fred Weasley
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-08-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:34:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25506025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MotherBooker/pseuds/MotherBooker
Summary: Draco finds a diary and discovers that the latest entries are all about him.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Comments: 18
Kudos: 205
Collections: HP Inspired by Imagery Fest - 2020





	Scribbled Confessions

**Author's Note:**

> Thank to B for betaing and thank you to the mods for the extension!

Draco groaned as the cafe came into sight. Every table was full and with his luck, all the croissants would be sold out. Those book club ladies were like vultures when it came to fresh pastries. After the week he’d had, he was quite sure suffering through a banana muffin for breakfast would tip him over the edge. 

He had been trying to catch up on the work he’d missed in the three weeks he’d spent in France looking after his mother, who’d fallen down the stairs in her home. Hermione had been a great help at first, but for the past few days, she’d been stuck fending questions about baby names and her due date from her mother-in-law, and hadn’t had the time to shove her notes down his throat. On top of worrying about his mother’s health and trying to study nearly a month’s worth of work alone, someone had spilt their coffee all over him and his laptop on the train and he’d lost half of his files. He’d carried more books back and forth from the library in the past four days than he had in his last three years at university. 

As Draco pushed the door open—the sweet, familiar scent of the cafe washing over him—a man shoved past him and ran from the shop, hitting Draco with his bag as he turned out of the door with no hint of apology.

“Inconsiderate bastard,” Draco muttered, rubbing his side as he walked up to the counter. He’d have a spectacular bruise there by the time he got home. 

After nearly crying in relief when he got the last croissant, he found a table by the window and set his books down, wishing more than ever that Hermione was there to pester him into studying. Catching up on his missed work was even more daunting when he had to do it alone. Steeling himself for an exceptionally boring morning reading about enzymes, he sat down, jumping in surprise when his foot touched something solid under the table. 

Draco reached down and picked a battered notebook off the floor. It was a bright red spiral notebook, with bits of paper and several photographs sticking out the pages. It was clear that the book was old and well-loved; the colour on the cover had started to fade and small chunks of the front cover were peeling off. He pushed the stuff that was sticking out back in and opened it, hoping the owner had written their name and perhaps their phone number so he could return it to them.

On the inside of the front cover, a name had been written in cramped, spidery writing, which Draco could just about make out as ‘ _Harry Potter’_. Underneath someone had stamped ‘Property of Hogwarts High School’. He recognised the name, as Hermione loved talking about the time she’d spent there, and he vaguely recalled her mentioning someone called Harry. It was a very common name though. He couldn’t be certain it was the same person.

As he looked through the notebook, he began to realise that it was, in fact, a diary. Each photograph and written entry was carefully dated, and the bits of paper seemed to be from significant points in Harry’s life. One was his A-Level results, another a letter from someone called Sirius, and several were Christmas cards with long, heartfelt messages inside them. 

The further he flicked through, the guiltier Draco felt. The diary was clearly full of deeply personal memories and definitely not something Harry would want a complete stranger reading through, even if it was just to find a way to contact him and return the book. He flipped to the last entry, deciding to just hand the diary over to one of the staff to return to Harry when he came back in for it, despite his growing curiosity about the man who’d written the diary. 

Draco’s guilt vanished very suddenly when he found that the most recent entry in the book, dated several days ago, started with his name.

* * *

_15th March 2003_

_Draco is back from France! Unfortunately, the 3 weeks he’s been away haven't done anything to get rid of my ridiculous crush - if anything, I’m thinking about him even more now, much to Hermione’s annoyance. She’s threatening to tell him herself the next time she sees him, so I promised her I’d ask him out this week. I still haven’t seen him at the cafe yet and I’m working myself into an anxious mess._

_I have no idea what I’ll do if he says no. I’m at the cafe all the time and I don’t think I can handle seeing him regularly if he rejects me. What if he says yes then finds out I’ve watched him for months without him knowing? He’ll think I’m a creepy stalker and break up with me on the spot. I’d be pretty creeped out if I found out someone was writing about me like they were half in love with me._

_Not that I’m in love with him, obviously. Hermione would probably say otherwise, but what does she know?_

Draco paused for a moment, his guilt slowly returning. The diary was clearly deeply personal to Harry and he was quite sure that he wouldn’t want a stranger reading his private thoughts, even if Harry was pining after said stranger.

He frowned, playing with the corner of the page. Technically, Harry didn’t have to know. Draco could read this entry, close the book and hand it over to the staff without him being any the wiser. In reality, Draco knew he was far too curious to just stop reading. He was already itching to go back to the start of the diary and read from the beginning, to find out how and why Harry had started mooning over a man he’d never met. 

He supposed he could just ask Hermione about him, but that wouldn’t sate his curiosity like reading a few more diary entries would. Besides, she had enough on her plate with a child on the way and an overbearing mother-in-law. She didn’t need him asking questions about her friends.

He'd hand it into one of the cafe employees before he left. Harry didn’t need to know Draco had read it.

_I need to stop worrying about his reaction and just give him my number. Worrying about getting rejected isn’t going to help me, it is? I’ll definitely ask him out the next time I see him. If he rejects me, at least Hermione will leave me alone._

_Not that she’ll have much time to bother me soon since the baby is due any day now and_

The entry stopped there. It seemed like Harry had been interrupted halfway through writing. Maybe he was the man who’d ran out of the cafe as Draco arrived.

He closed the book and slipped it into his pocket. He’d read more of it when he got back home, but now he needed to study unless he wanted to face a very angry Hermione in class.

<hr>

An hour later Draco had barely made a dent in his work, his croissant was gone and the book was burning a hole in his pocket.

Curiosity was eating away at him. What was so special about _him_ that had Harry pining after him? He’d had more than his fair share of attention in school—mostly due to good looks and rich parents—but Harry’s attention felt different to the way people had treated him in the past. Many of the people at school had only hung around with him because of his wealth and his father’s fame as the owner of Malfoy Industries. Harry’s attraction seemed to be more than just physical and his words felt fond, if slightly obsessive. He couldn’t remember anyone sounding so excited about the prospect of seeing him.

Draco ordered more coffee and opened the book from the start.

_12th September 1997_

_I hate PSHE. Miss Jones has decided that we’re going to be writing diaries this year instead of having lessons like we normally do. She says it will help with the stress of A-Levels in summer, but I think she’s full of shit. What am I meant to write about? Hi, I’m Harry Potter, I think I might fail my exams, I have no idea what I want to do after sixth form and I hate my ‘family’._

_Hermione will murder me if I don’t write anything, so I suppose I’ll have to find something interesting to write about. Maybe Ron can help me come up with something._

_26th September 1997_

_Hermione told me I should write about what I do for fun and what I’m studying._

  * _I play football every weekend_
  * _I’m studying biology, english lit and maths._
  * _Hermione is annoying me and I wish she’d stop nagging me about this stupid diary_
  * _Hermione is a wonderful friend and I wouldn’t have passed my GCSEs without her. She’s a genius and if Ron wasn’t in love with her I would propose to her._
  * _Now she says I’m being ridiculous._
  * _I like treacle tart_
  * _I like dogs_



The next few entries were very similar; short and mostly about Hermione annoying him into revising and completing his homework.

On Halloween, a photograph had been stuck into the book. A very beautiful woman with long red hair and bright green eyes sat at a kitchen table, watching the man next to her as he lifted up a small child to a pumpkin on the table. The man’s face was partially hidden behind the child, but they had matching messy dark hair and Draco guessed that these people were Harry’s parents.

Underneath the picture was a short note.

_I miss you both._

So his parents were dead. Draco wondered who Harry had grown up with instead. A relative? Was he adopted? 

Draco skipped forward to December, where Harry’s entries became longer and much more frequent.

_5th December 1997_

_I feel like everyone has their future planned out except for me._

_Hermione wants to be a doctor, Ron has a job lined up at his brothers’ joke shop - even Dean and Seamus know what they want to study at university. I don’t even know where I’ll be staying once I finish school, since the Dursleys are so eager to kick me out once I’m no longer their legal responsibility._

_I’ve been in contact with my godfather and his partner recently. The Dursleys have done their best over the years to keep them away from me - they just couldn’t bear the idea of their precious little son being anywhere near 2 gay men - but Ron’s mum knows them well and she’s kept us in contact. We’ve been meeting up on the weekends and they’ve been telling me all about their school days and my parents. Remus keeps suggesting I look into teaching because he’s a geography teacher and he thinks I’d be good at something like that because I helped Hermione run study lessons after school for GCSEs. I don’t think I could put up with moody teenagers every day. I can barely put up with them now._

_Hermione insists I could be a primary school teacher instead of a secondary one. I have thought about it before, but I didn’t really think I’d be clever enough for that sort of stuff, mostly because the Dursleys liked to tell me how stupid I was on a regular basis._

_I don’t have much experience with kids. I’ve played with Teddy (Remus’ son) when visiting my godfather. I visited the local primary school with Nev when we did our work experience last year because I didn’t know what else to do, and hanging around with a bunch of 8 year olds seemed more fun than following someone around an office. Nev loves the idea of teaching. Maybe I should talk to him about it._

_9th December 1997_

_Remus thinks primary school teaching is a good idea. He says Teddy adores me and talks about me all the time, and that apparently, I’m good with children. Sirius just wants me to enjoy myself._

_(The Dursleys laughed in my face when Dudley told his parents about this idea, which is more polite than I expected from them)_

_I’m starting to think that this whole diary thing isn’t such a bad thing anymore. I think I like writing about my feelings. It makes a change from bottling them up because I have no one to talk to or I feel like I’m bothering everyone with my problems._

_I can already hear Hermione saying “I told you it wasn’t that bad.” She’s already on her second notebook. Miss Jones looked terrified when she asked for a new book, though I’m not surprised. With the speed she’s writing at she’ll be on notebook 6 by June. I think most of the teachers are a little bit scared of Hermione and her intelligence. I know everyone in our year group is._

_14th December 1997_

_Nev was pretty happy to hear I was considering teaching, I thought he was going to burst with excitement. He’s been showing me the unis he’s thinking about going to and his applications. I’m still struggling to understand all the forms and stuff, even though Hermione’s explained it a million times, but they’re a big help. Remus has been giving me as much advice as he can about applying, but he seems to spend more time telling Sirius off for saying I should just get drunk every weekend._

_Dudley got kicked out of his college this week! Apparently, he hasn’t turned in a single assignment since September and he punched another kid from his class. Vernon is going out of his mind trying to get Grunnings_ — _his drill company_ — _to take Dudley on as an apprentice because nowhere else wants to take him on to finish his BTECs. He’s not had much luck though, it seems not even Daddy’s money can get Dudley out of the mess he’s gotten himself into. He’s going to have to start looking for an actual job soon. Petunia will have a fit. Imagine her poor Dudders working in Asda._

_I’ve still got the bruises on my ribs from Dudley punching me when I laughed at him, but it’s worth it. I don’t even have to see him around the house anymore because he’s spending most of his time away from home to avoid Vernon yelling at him._

_20th December 1997_

_I thought the Weasley’s annual end of term Christmas party yesterday would help relieve the stress, but it’s actually created a brand new problem._

_Well. It’s not really a new problem, just one I’ve been ignoring for a while. I didn’t exactly have time for a gay crisis while I was trying to study for GCSEs._

_I kissed Cho at the party (thanks to the abundance of mistletoe Mrs. Weasley hangs around the Burrow). She’s a year older than us, but she goes to uni nearby and plays football with us on the weekend. I used to pay so much attention to her a few years ago and she’s still very attractive, but kissing her was very… meh. She was a bit drunk and she cried while she kissed me so it was all very wet. Ron keeps asking me how it was and describing how it feels when he kisses Hermione (with more detail about Hermione’s neck than I ever wanted to know), but I didn’t feel anything._

_I can’t believe I’m writing this._

_I bumped into Cedric (one of Cho’s friends) under the mistletoe. He laughed it off and walked past me, but I found myself wishing he’d kissed me instead of Cho. My heart was all fluttery and I was blushing. I felt like a right idiot when he walked off._

_It’s not exactly the first time I’ve thought about kissing Cedric either. Looking back, I’m starting to wonder if I only paid so much attention to Cho because she was dating Cedric and I was jealous. I did spend a lot of time thinking about Cedric taking his shirt off in celebration of scoring._

_I’ve kissed Ginny too though. It wasn’t exactly enjoyable (is kissing anyone at 14 enjoyable?) but it wasn’t completely awful. Ron wasn’t too impressed to hear I’d snogged his little sister though, and we only did it once, but that must count for something, right?_

_Not enjoying the 2 kisses I’ve had doesn’t make me gay, does it? I mean, I’ve had plenty of crushes on girls. I can list them right now._

  * _Cho_
  * _Ginny_



_Fuck._

_26th December 1997_

_I might have accidentally, sort of, kissed Ron’s brother._

_Mrs. Weasley put even more mistletoe up for Christmas day, though I don’t know why because Christmas day is just for family (and me and Hermione, but they insist we’re family too), and catching your relative under the mistletoe isn’t fun. I think she just uses it as an excuse to kiss Ron and his siblings on the cheek and leave lipstick stains to annoy them._

_I ended up standing under the mistletoe with Fred on my way to the bathroom. I expected him to make a big deal about kissing both my cheeks like he’d been doing to the rest of the family all day, but instead, he kissed me properly._

_And I stood there like a lemon until he moved away and went back to the kitchen to steal more pudding from Mrs. Weasley._

_I’m still kicking myself for not responding. I had a free chance to double-check if I really was gay and I wasted it._

_Although now I’m writing this, regretting not kissing a guy seems pretty gay to me._

_I think I’ll try and catch him under the mistletoe again before I head back to the Dursley’s this afternoon. You know, just to make sure._

_1st January 1998_

_I’m definitely gay._

_I spent most of the Weasley’s New Year’s Eve party kissing Fred in the bathroom. It turns out he was very excited for a second try under the mistletoe on boxing day. It feels so much better than kissing Cho or Ginny. It doesn’t quite feel as good as Ron describes kissing Hermione, but I’ve got a pretty good feeling that he’s head over heels in love with her, so kissing her probably does feel like “floating on air” as he put it. Romantic sap._

_I’m not good with words, so the only way I can think to describe kissing Fred is_ _right_ _._

_God, Ron would kill me if he knew I was comparing how kissing 2 of his siblings felt._

_I’ve spent the past few days wondering how I’m going to tell Ron and Hermione. I know they won’t react badly because they’ve met Remus and Sirius plenty of times, but that hasn’t stopped me from thinking about every way coming out to them could go wrong. What if they’re just being polite around Remus and Sirius because they don’t want to hurt my feelings? Would they feel differently about me?_

_And how do I even tell them? Nowadays Hermione spends all of her free time buried under revision notes and practice questions. She probably wouldn’t even acknowledge me. Ron might but he’s been studying nearly as intensely as Hermione lately. I reckon she’s threatened to withhold kisses if he doesn’t buckle down._

_I can’t just announce it at Sunday dinner at the Burrow either. It would probably be easier that way because I’d be telling everyone at once, but I don’t know how Ron’s siblings would react and I don’t think Mrs. Weasley would appreciate me taking the attention away from her food. She’s very particular about people enjoying her food. At least if I did come out at the Burrow she’d be there to knock some sense into anyone who makes a nasty comment. I’ve seen how she responded to someone making a comment about Remus and Sirius. I wouldn’t like to be on her bad side._

_Do I even want to come out yet? I still have to stay with the Dursleys until my birthday in June and they’re definitely homophobic. I don’t think I’d survive another 6 months in that house if they found out._

_I should probably just ask Remus and Sirius how they came out and see if they can give me advice._

_23rd January 1998_

_Mocks are finally over. I don’t think my wrist will ever fully recover. Why did I ever let my teacher convince me english lit was a good choice for my last A-level option? I can barely even remember what I wrote. I feel sorry for Hermione. She was crazy enough to take 4 a-levels instead of the usual 3 so she had even more exams than the rest of us._

_I’m going out with Remus, Sirius, and Teddy tonight for tea, to celebrate. I might come out to them. Writing about my feelings and stuff in the book is useful, but I think I need to talk to a real person about this, and who better to talk to than a gay couple?_

_I’m also worrying about my future again. I applied for the teaching courses along with Nev last week, which was the deadline, but now I’m having second thoughts. I feel like I rushed into this way too quickly. Just weeks ago I’d never even thought about teaching and now it’s my only plan. I don’t even have a backup plan if I fail my exams, or any idea where I’m going to be staying once I turn 18 and the Dursleys kick me out._

_What if I only applied because it's what the people around me told me I’d be good at? All my friends have told me I’d make a great teacher but how do I know they aren’t just saying it to be nice? They’re only basing their opinion off a couple of revision sessions I organised and ran with Hermione. What does that prove? That I can listen to Hermione and read from a textbook?_

_And now I’m getting myself all worked up when I should be relaxing because mocks are over._

_(Not that there's much to relax about, this only means the real things are closer than ever.)_

_24th January 1998_

_Tea went well yesterday. Obviously, Remus and Sirius weren’t fazed by me telling them I was pretty sure I was gay._

_They told me it would be a good idea to come out to Ron and Hermione privately when I felt comfortable doing so, and that telling as few people as possible would be best, to reduce the chance of the Dursleys finding out, which would put me in a pretty dangerous situation. Vernon and Dudley would happily use me as a punching bag again if they found out._

_I also told them about my worries about the future._

_As always, Remus had some decent advice for me. (And, as usual, Sirius suggested alcohol and told me that a visit to Fred would probably be good for my nerves. Teddy gave me half his biscuit because I looked sad.)_

_He told me there’s a bookstore a few streets away from their house that’s always looking for staff during the summer after everyone’s got their A-levels and left for uni. It’s run by a nice old couple who pay well, so I’d be able to save up to buy my own place eventually if I fail my exams and can’t go into teaching._

_Sirius and Remus also offered to let me move in with them once I finish school, so I can get away from the Dursleys before my birthday in June. They’ve got a spare bedroom I could stay in until I either head off to uni or buy a flat. Teddy seemed pretty excited about me living with them and told me he expects me to read his dinosaur books with him. I’m looking forward to that more than I thought I would._

_Remus also pointed out that if I was so easily influenced by the opinions of those around me, I wouldn’t be sitting in front of them. If I’d been influenced by the Dursley’s opinion of me, I wouldn’t even be bothering trying to pass my exams because I’d think I was a failure. And Hermione is always brutally honest. She would have slapped some sense into me if she thought I was going to make a shit teacher._

_I think I knew that already really, but hearing someone else say it out loud sort of eased my worries._

_27th February 1998_

_I came out to them!_

_It was an accident really. We were celebrating the twins' birthday a few days early at the Burrow and they caught me and Fred kissing._

_Hermione told me she’d suspected it for a while now but was waiting for me to tell her myself. Ron was a bit confused, mostly about why I was snogging his brother. He hugged me then very quietly asked just how many of his siblings I’d been with._

_I thought it would make things awkward and a bit strange between us but nothing has changed._

_Fred ‘broke up’ with me though. (I’m not really sure if it counts as a break up if we just kissed in dark corners during family get-togethers.) He’s been crushing on a boy that’s been coming into his shop each week for months and he asked Fred out a few days ago. He’s over the moon. I’m happy for him but I feel kind of lonely now. Hermione and Ron have each other, Nev has Luna, and Remus and Sirius are practically married. I guess I have Teddy, but there are only so many dinosaurs he can pronounce before he loses interest in playing dinosaurs versus HotWheels._

_I shouldn’t complain really. I’ve survived just fine on my own. I can wait until after my exams before I worry about getting a boyfriend._

_4th May 1998_

_Our exams start a week today._

_I’ve barely had time to breathe since February, much less write in this book. In fact, I thought I’d lost it because I hadn’t seen it for so long._

_But not even the diaries are helping any of us now. Everyone in our classes has been unusually quiet over the past few days. It’s almost as if the reality of us actually sitting our exams has just hit most of them._

_I feel like I know nothing. Realistically I know that I know most of the content but the thought of getting into the exam and not having a clue what a question is referring to is eating away at me._

_I think I preferred struggling with my sexuality over this._

_27th June 1998_

_It’s over! Well, for me and Ron it is at least. Hermione still has an exam tomorrow, but we all know she’ll ace it. I’m both relieved that it’s over and terrified about waiting to get our results in August, but I’m doing my best not to think about it._

_I’m moving into Remus and Sirius’ spare room this weekend. I’ve already packed all my stuff up, not that I have much because the Dursleys would slam their fingers in a car door before they spent any unnecessary money on me, and they’re picking me up on Saturday morning. I can’t wait to hear Petunia shrieking “what will the neighbours think?” when they pull up to the house. Remus is planning on dyeing Teddy’s hair blue for the weekend just to make her gape._

_There are very few things Petunia hates more than gay people, but people with unnatural hair colours is one of them._

_30th June 1998_

_I’ve finally moved out of the Dursleys house._

_I thought Vernon was going to burst a blood vessel when Sirius and Teddy knocked on the door. I’m not sure whether it was Sirius’ tattoos or the blue hair that pissed Vernon off the most. His face went white then purple and white again before it settled on an ugly shade of pink and he started yelling at me. Petunia nearly fainted when she came to see what all the noise was. I’ve never seen her so pale. The pair of them practically threw me and my bags out of the house, then told me I wasn’t welcome back, which is fine by me. If I never have to see them again it would be too soon._

_I spotted quite a few neighbours peeking through their curtains as we left, so the Dursleys will be the talk of the street for a good few weeks. Petunia might just spontaneously combust from embarrassment._

_Teddy was thrilled to have me staying with them. Remus told me that he’s barely stopped talking about me moving in all week and he insisted on baking biscuits for me. He’s spent the night showing me his dinosaur collection and telling me every fact he knows about the Jurassic period. He stopped just long enough to drink his hot chocolate and a biscuit before falling asleep on me._

_It feels like I have a proper family now._

* * *

_4th October 2002_

_I thought I’d thrown this book away years ago when I left for uni, but I’m glad I’ve found it._

_I started teaching last month - I have my own classroom and everything - which is amazing (6 year olds are adorable) but nothing else in my life has gone to plan._

_I moved back in with Sirius and Remus once I graduated. Teaching doesn’t exactly pay well and they were generous enough to offer me their spare room again until I save up enough money for my own place. Teddy was thrilled to have me back home full time again too. He fell asleep in bed with me on my first night back, just like he did when I first moved in. He’s a lot bigger now though, so it resulted in some very awkward sleeping positions._

_I didn’t really make any decent friends at uni either. I ended up at the same place as Nev, so we shared a house together from second year to the end of the course, along with 2 other guys, Seamus and Dean. They were nice enough (aside from Seamus’ tendency to make things explode whenever he attempted to cook). I still talk to them occasionally, but it was nothing like my friendship with Ron and Hermione._

_Ron’s working for his brothers at their joke shop now and Hermione is in her 5th and final year studying medicine, so they’re both pretty busy._

_Oh, and Hermione is 3 months pregnant._

_For some reason, her announcement has really made me think about my life._

_She’s set to become an amazing doctor, she and Ron are already starting their family and don’t even get me started on the fact that they’ve been married for nearly 2 years now as well. They seem like they’ve got everything sorted and where am I?_

_Living in my godfathers’ spare room, single, lonely, and relying on 6 year olds for my main source of social interaction._

_I do love my class and my job (again, kids are cute) but, I don’t know, I sort of assumed I would have found my version of what Hermione is to Ron by now._

_I dated 1 guy at uni for about a month before breaking up with him and kissed about 3 more and that was it. I haven’t even come close to a loving relationship like theirs. Obviously, I’m really happy for them because they’re my best friends, and I know carrying on with the pregnancy wasn’t an easy decision for them, but I can’t help feeling a teeny tiny bit jealous._

_I know I’m only 22 and I don’t need to be married or have kids or anything like that, but I’ve never really had a proper family other than Remus and Sirius, and I’ve always wanted to have a relationship like theirs or my parents. I’m just disappointed I haven’t found that person as soon as I would have liked to._

_Anyway. I’ll have plenty of time to worry over my awful love life later, but right now I need to pick out baby clothes and figure out the best way to spoil the newest member of the Weasley family._

_7th October 2002_

_Sirius noticed I’d been acting a little off this past week and sat me down to talk about it. He guessed straight away it had something to do with Hermione being pregnant - he’s more perceptive than he lets on._

_I expected him to tell me to go to a bar or a club, get drunk and pull someone (wouldn’t be the first time he’d given me that advice) but this time he was more serious. Usually, Remus is the one who dishes out advice, but Sirius was surprisingly helpful. He knows I’m not exactly a social butterfly and that Vernon’s love of cheap beer put me off drinking, so he suggested finding a cafe or a coffee shop to hang out in, somewhere calm and relaxing where I can work on my lesson plans and chat to people. (And eat as much cake as I like, Sirius still thinks I’m too skinny.)_

_I think I’ll take Teddy with me to find a good one over half term. He won’t say no to cake and a few days out with me._

_27th October 2002_

_Our first 2 days of cafe hunting weren’t very successful. Yesterday we tried the Costa around the corner from the house. The hot chocolate was good but the people were so noisy. Too many businesspeople having Very Important conversations that everyone can hear and too many teenagers arguing about the film they want to go and see. One group of teens did buy Teddy a cookie because they liked his blue hair (dyed again for the half-term holiday) which was sweet, but I don’t think I could put up with them and work on my lesson plans at the same time._

_Today we tried a cafe that Dean told me about. It must have changed since he was last there because the coffee was cold, everything was dusty, only 2 people came in while we were there and not even Teddy would touch the chocolate cake, which had a very strange grey tone to the icing. I’d probably get food poisoning before I found a boyfriend there._

_Teddy is visiting his mum - a woman called Tonks who Remus used to date - for the next few days so we’ll resume our search for the perfect cafe later in the week._

_30th October 2002_

_Today’s cafe was nice. The cupcakes were amazing, Teddy got pumpkin-shaped marshmallows with his hot chocolate and the girl behind the counter chatted to him about his HotWheels for a good half an hour before we left. But it just didn’t feel like the one, you know? Most of the customers seemed to be old and I don’t think I’ll be finding my soulmate in a 50 year old man._

_We did see an advert for a Halloween night at another cafe a few streets away from our house in the paper today, so we’ll try that tomorrow. It’ll make a change from me wallowing in my grief like I usually do on the anniversary of my parents' death. Teddy has an adorable and very fluffy werewolf costume that he’s been dying to wear (though he does insist that now he’s 11 and in secondary school, I can’t call him adorable anymore) so he can’t wait. I think I’ll get a pair of vampire teeth and a cloak from Fred and George’s joke shop and dress up with him._

_31st October 2002_

_I think we’ve found the perfect place. The Halloween party thing was brilliant, they had sweets everywhere and were selling Halloween themed cakes (which, dare I say it, were better than Mrs. Weasley’s). Teddy found a kid wearing a velociraptor costume to chat with (I have a feeling we’ll be seeing a lot more of her in future) and got to bob for apples with the rest of the kids._

_The cafe does loads of social events like this one throughout the year too, including biscuit decorating each Saturday morning in December. There’s also a book club that I think I’ll try. I don’t enjoy reading as much as Hermione does, but it’ll be a nice way to make some friends._

* * *

A picture was stuck to the next page. A young boy with blue hair and fluffy wolf ears—who must have been Teddy—was holding up a pumpkin cupcake to the camera. The man next to him was hugging Teddy to his side and Draco nearly gasped out loud when he registered that this ridiculously handsome man must be Harry. 

_This_ was the guy who had been pining over Draco? Why on earth would he think Draco would reject someone who looked like _that?_

That was probably the Dursley’s fault, he reasoned. From what Harry has written about them it was clear they cared very little for him and were certain to make sure he knew it. 

He had deep green eyes, eyes that Draco would happily spend several hours gazing into because they were easily the prettiest he’d ever seen. His hair was thick and messy in a way that teetered on the edge of ‘just-shagged’ and ‘dragged-through-a-hedge-backwards’, which was oddly endearing. Draco was just dying to run his fingers through it. 

The most attractive part was probably Harry’s smile. 

He was looking down at Teddy with a soft, affectionate smile that told Draco volumes about how much he loved the boy. He didn’t even need the diary to tell him how sweet Harry was when he had that picture. 

* * *

_10th November 2002_

_I had my first book club session today and I’m pretty certain it’s not for me. It’s mostly 40 year old ladies, with a few younger people, including a man around my age who is very attractive. All of these women are oddly obsessed with historical erotica novels. I bought the book thinking it was going to be a bit like the period dramas that Sirius loves (not that he’d admit to it) but it was very, very different. I’ve never seen the word “breasts” used so many times in 3 pages._

_I nearly died of embarrassment listening to them talk about the book with straight faces. Remus thought it was hilarious when I told him._

_It’s safe to say I won’t be going back to the book club. I’ll stick to dinosaur encyclopaedias._

_18th November 2002_

_I feel like a complete idiot._

_The attractive guy from the book club - Blaise, his name is - sat down to eat with me twice this week. We laughed about the book choices. He told me about some of the most ridiculous sex scenes they’d discussed in the group, while I shared stories of the stupid things my 6 year olds get up to in class. I thought we were getting along very well and decided to ask him out when I saw him again._

_I saw him this morning and I just sort of blurted out “do you want to go out with me?” the second he sat down. He just showed me his wedding ring and apologised, saying he was straight and happily married. He left almost immediately after that and I feel like such a fool._

_How did I not notice he had a wedding ring? Are my social skills so poor that I immediately forget straight people and marriage exist when I see someone attractive? I just want the ground to swallow me whole._

_7th December 2002_

_Like the coward I am, I avoided the cafe until today because it was the first biscuit decorating morning and Teddy was dying to go and to bring his dads with him._

_I couldn’t bear the thought of bumping into Blaise again so I’ve been going to the other nice cafe that we tried before this one. It was nice and quiet.I got pretty far ahead in my lesson plans for the new year, but it just wasn’t the same. It was nowhere near as social or as friendly as our normal cafe and I missed the atmosphere._

_Plus Teddy can be very persuasive when he wants to be._

_The biscuit decorating went great - though Sirius managed to get even messier than Teddy and velociraptor girl (I still haven’t learnt her name) did - until Blaise walked in with a kid he introduced as his cousin. I wanted to melt through my chair._

_He pulled me aside and told me he was sorry if he’d made me uncomfortable. ME. As if I hadn’t just asked him_ — _a straight and obviously married man_ — _out. He told me he still wants to remain friends with me, if it’s not too awkward._

_If he wasn’t straight I’d probably be falling all over him for being so polite and considerate about it._

_He ended up sitting with us for the rest of the morning. I think I might have just found myself a new friend._

_January 6th 2003_

_It's the first Monday back after Christmas and the kids are somehow even more difficult to handle than they were before they broke up for Christmas break. All I’ve heard about today is Lucy's new Rubix cube and how Grace's Bratz dolls are CLEARLY so much better because Rubix cubes are for BOYS. I’m fed up with repeating 'Anyone can play with Rubix cubes'._

_I haven’t got any work to do (and, quite frankly, I can't be bothered to do anything productive) because I got so far ahead with my lesson plans for the next month while I was avoiding Blaise, and I’m all up to date with marking their books. I’ve only really come for the cake. They’ve started doing a black gateau cake and I could eat it for every meal and not get bored because it’s just so good. I wonder if Ron would taste-test for me if I got a recipe for one from Mrs. Weasley and made my own version. It can’t be that_ —

_Oh wow. Someone really, really, attractive has just walked into the cafe and I think I might have stopped breathing a little. I feel a bit creepy staring at him but no one should look that good at 7:36 on a rainy Monday evening._

_Seriously, how is his hair so perfectly styled when it’s blowing a gale outside? It looks so soft and touchable._

_No. No. NO. I’m not allowed to be attracted to men I’ve never even spoken to anymore. (Except Leonardo DiCaprio) I won’t have a repeat of the Blaise incident because no one is ever going to be that nice about it again. I’ll just keep my head down and ignore him until I leave._

_Fuck he’s just licked icing off his fingers. I don’t think I have a choice in finding him hot._

* * *

Draco could feel his cheeks heating up. He’d been wondering what he’d done to attract Harry’s attention. Unfortunately, it usually took people finding out his parents were rich before they complimented him or made a move. But Harry had just seen him walk in and eat and he was writing about Draco like he was some sort of model. He wasn't used to such honest and open compliments.

* * *

_10th January 2003_

_I mentioned hot-blond to Sirius once and now he won’t let me forget about it. He’s even threatened to go over to the cafe just to see how I react if I see him again. Remus is trying to pretend he doesn’t approve of Sirius’ teasing but I’ve seen him snickering into his tea too many times to believe he’s being genuine._

_Even Teddy asked about hot-blond. He wants to know where we’re going on our first date._

_I hate my family._

_16th January 2003_

_Hot-blond is back! (So much for no crushes on strangers.)_

_I’ve been here 3 times this week. Thank god my parents left me with a sizable chunk of money for when I turned 18. Not sure they’d approve of me spending it on an unhealthy amount of coffee just for the chance to see someone attractive, but still._

_I got to see his face properly today. He’s got these bright, beautiful grey eyes and he’s rather pointy. (In an attractive way obviously.) Despite insisting to Sirius that I don’t have a huge crush on him, I did, unfortunately, keep glancing at his lips. They just look so soft and perfectly kissable. I couldn’t help myself._

_18th January 2003_

_Someone told Hermione about hot-blond._

_She’s 7 months along and looking for every excuse to talk about something other than the baby because Mrs. Weasley is driving her mad with her questions and someone (I’m going to assume Sirius, the snitch) must have turned her onto the topic of my love life and brought up hot-blond._

_Now she’s pestering me with questions about him - what’s his name? Have you spoken yet? Is he part of the book club? When are you going to ask him out? She even recruited Teddy to find out more information. I love him, but he’s about as subtle as a punch in the jaw. He’s already told me 3 times that I need a date for Valentine’s Day and continuously wonders out loud if hot-blond is single when I’m in the room._

_I think I might just ask him to go out with me to get them to shut up._

_26th January 2003_

_I’m doing my best to distract myself with marking spelling tests, but it’s so difficult to keep my eyes to myself when he’s sat 2 tables away,directly in my line of sight._

_I feel like a right creep writing about him. I’ve somehow gone from writing about my not-really-midlife midlife crisis to writing pretty much exclusively about hot-blond. I’m pretty sure this weird obsession I have with him isn’t healthy, but I can’t seem to bring myself to speak to him. Usually, I’m not this shy about asking out someone I find attractive. I asked Blaise out a few days after meeting him. I didn’t wait long before kissing most of the guys I made out with at uni. I’m usually pretty brave when it comes to this sort of thing, but for some reason hot-blond has me doubting myself._

_Maybe I’m too fixated on the idea of finding The One and having a ‘perfect’ relationship like everyone else around me seems to have and that’s putting me off saying anything to him in case I get my hopes up for nothing._

_8th February 2003_

_I've been working up the courage to go and sit with hot-blond and maybe ask him out for Valentine’s Day, but it was all for nothing._

_He came into the cafe with a girl and a small child that is unmistakably his - same blond hair and pointy features. I’m not surprised (no one with such a perfect smile is single) but it still kinda hurts. I’m sick of getting my hopes up and then having them dashed almost immediately._

_I think Sirius’ original suggestion of going to a gay bar might just be a good idea. At least then I don’t have to have a crisis wondering if a cute guy is straight or not._

_I can hear the woman’s voice from where I’m sitting and it’s like nails on a chalkboard. So stupidly high pitched. Her laugh is just as irritating. How did she end up with someone so pretty?_

_Ugh. I shouldn’t be so mean. It’s not her fault that I have this stupid crush on hot-blond._

_At least their kid is cute. He seems to be about 4 and he’s got blond hair and an adorable little scrunched up nose that looks like his mum’s._

_It’s so unfair. Him playing with the kid just makes him so much more endearing and attractive. He’s reading a story to the kid and putting on silly voices for him. They’re both adorable and I hate it._

_16th February 2003_

_His name is Draco._

_Hermione brought up hot-blond at dinner and I told her about the girlfriend and kid. I expected her to comfort me and commiserate with me, but instead, she jumped from the table (a difficult feat when she’s nearly 8 months pregnant), told me that the woman I’d described was “that Parkinson bitch” and rushed for her photo album, which had pictures of her and hot-blond together._

_I asked why she never mentioned him when I talked about him. Apparently, she doesn’t think he’s as attractive as I make him out to be, so she didn’t think it was the same person. Rude._

_Hot-blond is one of her uni friends and is, according to Hermione, about as far from straight as you can get. Pansy Parkinson was one of his old school friends (Hermione isn’t a fan of her because she made some nasty comments about the Weasley’s and their large family) and the child was hers but definitely not Draco’s, despite them looking so alike._

_She told me his parents live in France and he’s just as lonely as I am, so we’d make a perfect match, which I thought was a bit unfair. I’m not lonely, I just need someone to hug me regularly. At least she’s promised not to say anything to him for now._

_At least I know I can ask him out without worrying about him rejecting me because he’s straight. Just need to find the balls to actually do it._

_23rd February 2003_

_I did plan on sitting down with Draco at the very least this week. I feel more confident approaching him now I know more about him (even if it does make me feel like some sort of stalker) and I even had Remus give me advice on what I should say to him._

_He only came in once, and he came with Pansy and the kid again. By the time I convinced myself that slipping him my number on my way past was an acceptable way to ask him out without disturbing them, they’d left._

_And now Hermione has just told me that he’s going to be in France for a while because his mum had some sort of accident and he wants to be there for her, so I won’t see him at all._

_Maybe I should just give up. Something always seems to stop me from just talking to him, let alone ask him on a date, so maybe it just isn’t meant to be._

_I have no idea when he’ll be back, but for the time being, I think I’ll stay away from the cafe and take my mind off him._

* * *

Someone tapped Draco’s shoulder. Startled, he dropped the book and turned to face the person who’d interrupted him. 

One of the employees—Kate, according to her name tag—stood next to him, looking apologetic. 

“Sorry for scaring you, but I just wanted to let you know that we close in ten minutes. We close at half one on Sundays.” She picked up his empty cup and walked away. 

Hermione was going to kill him. He’d spent his morning reading Harry’s diary instead of catching up on work. He’d only meant to read a few entries, put it down, and then continue with his work. How was he meant to finish his work now, knowing that a sweet, good-looking man was attracted to him and was planning on asking him out within the week? 

Draco thought reading the diary was going to sate his curiosity and that he’d be able to just hand it over to the staff to give it back when Harry came looking for it. Instead, he’d been left with a growing desire to find out even more about Harry. 

_I guess I’ll just have to wait until I see him again,_ he thought, packing away his textbooks and standing up. As he did so, the cafe door opened. 

* * *

Harry couldn’t believe he’d been stupid enough to leave his diary at the cafe. He’d kept it safe and in a relatively good condition since he was 17, and now he’d lost it. 

Ron had called him shortly after he’d sat down to tell him that Hermione was in labour and that they’d just arrived at the hospital. In his rush to leave, he must have forgotten about the diary. 

He hoped someone had handed it in. It just wouldn’t feel right if he had to buy a new notebook to write in, plus all of his favourite pictures were stuck inside it and he’d be devastated if he couldn’t get them back. 

Baby Rose was born about an hour after Harry got to the hospital. Once she’d been passed around the Weasley’s and sufficiently fussed over, he excused himself and headed back to the cafe. He’d have all the time in the world to spoil her when Hermione and Ron brought her home, but right now all he could think about was getting the diary back. 

As he approached the cafe he could see the staff cleaning and quickened his pace, hoping and praying that it was still there. He hadn’t realised how close it was to closing time and he hoped he wasn’t too late.

Thankfully, the door hadn’t been locked yet and he walked in, heading straight to the table he’d been sat on to see if the book was still there before he bothered the staff. 

Harry definitely wasn’t expecting to find _Draco_ holding his diary. 

“That’s my book,” Months of watching him from across the cafe and that’s the best he could come up with? God, it was a miracle that he’d ever kissed anyone.

“I know, I know,” Draco said, handing the book over. “I should have given it in straight away or just left it alone, but I was looking for a name and some contact information when I spotted my name in it and I’m too nosy for my own good and I would have stopped reading but I saw your pictures and you’re too attractive for your own good and-—

“You think I’m attractive?” Harry probably should have been a bit more concerned about Draco reading his diary, but the man who he’d been pining after just admitted that he found Harry attractive and that was all his brain wanted to focus on.

Draco flushed bright red and looked away. “Who wouldn’t?”

“So, if I asked you to go on a date with me, say this Friday at 7, you won’t say no?”

If possible, he blushed even more, his cheeks scarlet. “It doesn’t sound completely awful.”

Harry grinned, finally taking the book off him. “I’ll see you on Friday then. Have a good day.”

With that he exited the cafe, leaving Draco speechless and red-faced. Being forced to write that diary might have just been the best thing that’s ever happened to him.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Comments and kudos are hugely appreciated.
> 
> This work is part of the 2020 HP Inspired by Imagery Fest, an on-going anonymous fest. Authors will be revealed once all works are posted.


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